1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel for fun.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweat shirt no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those fucking kids next door won't turn down "that noise."
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You need antacid tablets, more often than you need condoms.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh no, what the #$%* happened?"
25: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorr y old ass.
