A Pride Of Friends

“An over high opinion on oneself” is Webster’s first definition of Pride, and although grossly accurate, it is not all together flattering. So when the words “gay pride” are used, it may lead many of us away from what is actually important and worthy of acknowledging. I am speaking more fondly of Webester fourth definition of pride: “satisfaction in one’s achievements.”

As I look at my life, past, present and future, the one driving factor that compels me to face the rigors of the day is the satisfaction of my achievements, most particularly are the achievements I have created in my relationships with my family and friends. Being with my loved ones, sitting for coffee, clothes shopping, dancing, saying grace, these and any time in their presence are the moments that I am most and continuously proud of.

As for most, my coming out was a very frightening decision because of what is still a common issue in my day to day life, fear of rejection. But as I came out and shared my secret, I was not judged but embraced. Quickly, I learned that the fear of rejection, like all fear lived only in my head. One by one, my family members and friends’ responses were nothing more than nonchalant and supportive. “Great,” “So,” and, “do you have a boyfriend?” where typical and affirming replies. My very straight and kindly chauvinistic friend Mike asked, “So… when you see a girl with big tits, what do you think?” “Wow, she has big tits,” I benignly responded. “That’s cool,” he said.

Mike’s response summed it up so clearly and put it in perspective for me. I was not a bad person with a dirty little secret. I am a man who happens also to be gay. My coming out did not stop these relationships from being; it opened them up to be more than what my fears thought possible. Because they have acknowledged me so unconditionally, where there was guilt and shame now lives love and acceptance. And we have all grown stronger and closer because of it.

Now, as my “gayness” has become more know without deadly recourse, I am often taken back by how lucky I truly am. My mom, family and friends, straight and gay are my constant source of pride. I often sit with these people in silence and thank God for bringing theirs lives into mine and allowing me to touch theirs. Simply, I have a lot to be proud of because I am surrounded by some pretty incredible, kind, supportive and unconditionally loving people. These people know me, really know me.

My being gay is, for my straight friends, now nothing more than a clearer understanding of why I did not date women in my 20s. (For my gay friends, knowing this brings nothing less than camaraderie, approval and an enthusiastic “yes” for “beer busts.”) They think little of it because their love was and is bigger than my insecurities and fears. So I often internally gloat. When I am with them, my family and friends, I am at my best. And all I have to be is me. As I spend moments in their company, I am reminded that am not just gay. I am a son, a brother, an uncle, a lover, a friend and a very blessed man.