Gay in Spirit

Please excuse my two week hiatus. I was out of town. Got sick. And reconnected with my old high school friends for a wedding.

Congratulations to Rich and Pam! Thank you for inviting us to the party. Which brings me to my current posting below…
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Like the women's liberation movement of the 70s that lead way to female world leaders, CEOs, doctors, police officers and unisex restrooms at your local gas station, gay liberation is creating its own results that many would not have foreseen, and some even sadly, bitch about. I am talking about the growing number of straight men in gay bars and at circuit parties. Dude! What the hell is this about?

Dude! Who cares? I think it's great.

With their girlfriends (or wives in tow,) or even single and hanging out with their gay friends or siblings, they are joining the party for all the fun and celebration. When I was “straight,” the company of men I kept was not as cool. Going to a “fag bar” was not an option. Drinking beer chased down with shots of chilled Southern Comfort then hitting a Del Taco drive thru with our pants down in a shopping cart, now that was good night! Okay was it senseless.It was straight guy fun, bro! Now, I can barely remember those drunken escapades.

Now, the gays and the straights have become friends. Shaking my gay shimmy against a straight money-maker is not as bothersome as it is powerful. They grow older with us, they grow wiser with us. They will father children who will receive gifts on Christmas morning not only from Santa, but as well as from Uncle John and Steve or Aunt Cindy and Stephanie. These straight men who share our bar stools and chuckle at our secrets will settle down as adults with their children in a new world that welcomes us as part of the family; a real home that accepts gay and lesbians for all our goodness and faults without question, fear or prejudice.

Remember your childhood, as you sat at the Thanksgiving card table at your grandparents and heard your families talk about their proms and youthful histories. "Member, you member..." Now close your eyes, and look into your future at the same holiday, as you and your friends (gay and straight) regale about favorite clubs that are now furniture stores or parking lots, prides, parties or Cher no-shows. The laughter and children abound. Yes, the times are a changing and are we only the better for it. And that coy straight guy hanging out with his gay friend is the sign of this change.

I know some would argue that because Grace has a friend named Will, this is sign that all is good in the world, but let's face it; we are still on the road less traveled.

This world was not made in a day and nor will the new one evolve after a three day weekend in South Beach. When you stare at that straight guy who reluctantly but inevitably takes his shirt off at the dance club, know he is more than a dance partner who needs coned off floor space, he is, maybe for his first time, feeling what we often feel on a bar bar- comfortable being himself. And at that moment at least, he is one of us, gay in spirit. Having a great time, feeling it, being it.

Smile at him and tell him “Thanks for coming.” Invite him to the next party, ask him to bring friends. As time and we move onward, attitudes change. He is proof of that. "Why can't we all just get along?" This man questions society not his or your sexuality. He is the face of a greater future and our inevitable right to marry.

Maybe in return, this straight man in a gay bar may invite you into his home. Or even to be best man at has wedding. He will invite into his home and into his life for big mug of friendship. And with this, a new world comes into being where there may no longer be straight bars or gay bars, just bars- where as always, friends come to have a good time, laugh out loud and maybe dance (to Cher) together.